Thoughts on Educating our Children

One of the most stressful things I feel that parents go through, based on my experience, is the process of placing your child in an educational setting.  And for so long here in the Philippines, there has only been one option - a brick and mortar school with a traditional system of classes, uniforms, and schedules.

Within the last 30 years though, there has been some movements on putting up alternative systems for children.  Though not as widely accepted as traditional brick and mortar schools, progressive schools, playschools, special education schools, even homeschooling have been coming out of the woodwork.  The teacher in me is extremely thrilled for this, though at the same time I am dismayed at how little options there are for parents who, like me, dislike the traditional system and want an alternative for their child.

R is getting older, and the search for progressive preschools has not been too difficult.  There are plenty, at least as far as I know within the metropolis.  But now that he's getting too big and too old for preschool, around the middle of last year we started looking for schools to place him for grade school.

And as if that task is not daunting enough for parents of neurotypical children, for children with special needs, it's even more complicated, and the options pool is even smaller.

So let me tell you how we went about it...

Of Slang Words, Idioms, and Autism

Symphony in Slang from Lee Presson on Vimeo.

In 1951, MGM released a cartoon called a Symphony in Slang, written by Rich Hogan and directed by Tex Avery.  The story of this short video is about a young man named John Brown, who came to heaven with his life story, but to St. Peter and Noah Webster's discomfort, the way he told his story was so peppered full of idioms and slang that they imagined it as literally as they could.

I watched this as a child and found myself relating more to Peter and Webster more than I did with Brown, simply because I was so young when I first watched it on TV.  Nonetheless, this cartoon went deep in my mind and sort of stayed dormant until a few weeks ago.  I was lying in bed next to my husband and mentioned this cartoon because of the idioms that came with it.

It was during this conversation that I realized that this is probably one of the best ways to get people to understand how a person with autism processes language.

An Open Letter to the Lady in the Bathroom

Dear Lady in the Bathroom,

A few weeks ago, during the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping, a fair was held in a location near my parents' home.  It was one of those usual Christmas fairs- full of people looking for bargains, stalls lined everywhere, and the din of sellers inviting potential sales coming from all sides.

It was one of those days when my mother, in an attempt to give me and my husband a break so we can do our Christmas shopping, decided to take my young son, who has autism, to this fair.  

And we all know how children on the spectrum deal with busy, and I mean busy, places.

Book Review: Leading a Special Needs Ministry

Book Cover

"No one has ever seen the wind. We've only experienced the effects and the results of the wind. And none of us have ever seen God. Just like the movement of a pinwheel makes us sure that the wind exists, we have ways to be sure that God exists."

Welcome to 2018 and to start it off for this blog, we have a new book review!

But first a story.

I had been thinking about this topic for quite a bit, ever since I had just written on teaching your child about God.  In fact, what prompted that post was a meeting I was involved in a few weeks before I wrote that particular article.

Waiting and Acting

And so another year has gone by, and it won't be long before we say goodbye to 2017 and hello to 2018.

I won't lie.  The last few years have been quite the roller coaster.  Starting with the lows of diagnosis, whether it was SPD or ASD, to the middles of therapy sessions and appointments here and there, to the highs of seeing progress with R in terms of speech, behavior, and schooling.  It's quite taxing for me as the parent, and I'm sure my husband and even R himself finds this exhausting.

And in the spirit of honesty, I will readily admit that this is not the family life I had envisioned for myself.  But God, in His infinite wisdom, knows what's best.  Romans 8:28 has always been of great comfort to me, more so now than ever before.

I suppose that I have learned - and of course still learning - a lot about parenting, child-rearing, and even about myself through this journey.  And with learning comes time for reflection. No better time to reflect on the past 12 months (or maybe even further) than at the moment nearing the end of the year.

I was planning to post tips on how to deal with the holidays with a child on the spectrum, as well as having sensory issues come to play, but as I continued to think on it, I realized there was one thing I wanted to discuss more than that.

Let's dive right in!

Teaching Your Special Needs Child about God

"Always pray for your child."

I've attended quite a few parenting seminars over the years, and one of the statements I've always heard from speakers of said seminars is the urgency to bring your child to the foot of the Lord's throne.

As a Christian, I do believe in answered prayers, of those petitions and praises that have been lifted up to Jesus from hearts that truly seek and love Him.  Of comfort to me is the promise that He always hears, as stated in 1 John 5:14 that "this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us".

It is of no question that my husband and I, on the day we were married, aim to raise the children that God would bless us with in the "discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).  And that in itself is hard enough with neurotypical children.

But when we're talking about special needs children, how do we teach them as we are commanded to in the Bible?

Building a Support System for your ASD Child

In the weeks since R's diagnosis, it's been appointments and assessments here and there.

It's also time for my husband and I to process what's happening.  I can't speak for him, but this time was beneficial for me as I got around accepting the diagnosis as it was.  Reading the books I've recently reviewed also really helped me in coming to terms with it.

Did I go through denial?  Yes.  Did I go through grieving?  Yes, absolutely.  A diagnosis like this is completely devastating for a parent of a child with ASD.  You had all these dreams and aspirations and plans for what you wanted to do and wanted for this child since the day of his/her birth, all the things you wanted to experience with him/her.

A diagnosis like this shatters that.

It's okay to process the grief.  That was why I said that reading all those books really helped.  I've since learned that a diagnosis of ASD is devastating, yes, but as I've read many times, it is not a death sentence.  Depending on where on the spectrum a child with ASD is, a parent's job is to advocate for the needed support services for said child.

That said, I will go on writing this article under the assumption that you are located in the Philippines, are a parent of a child that was diagnosed with ASD, and that you're looking for information on your next steps.

So in the context of the Philippines, what support services are available for children on the spectrum?

Officially an Autism Family

September 14, 2017.  Yesterday.  The day we officially became part of the autism family.

Looking for schools for R as he enters first grade has required us to update our documents, and one of the things we needed to do was to have an updated report on R's condition with a developmental pediatrician.

The official diagnosis is moderate autism.

The doctor is quite optimistic, as he says R has improved so much but he cannot discount his previous mannerisms.  He thinks that R can be brought to the high-functioning side of the spectrum, given that he has been receiving intervention as early as 2 years old.

He also says it's possible that I myself may be mildly autistic.

There's a lot to process here.

I haven't done that fully yet, but I guess that means there will be more resources for me to check out.  More book reviews, more internet articles to share, more information to process and learn.

It's a hard pill to swallow.  I admit that.  I suppose any parent would have a hard time.

But now I'm trying to learn not to see R through the lenses of autism.

May God help us.  May God enable and equip us.  May God grant us wisdom.

We're Seeing Progress!

It's a really huge thing once your silent child starts speaking.

A year ago, I read an article by Jenn Schleich, that really spoke to my heart.  R's speech delay had caused my husband and I much anxiety, and reading her article really articulated how we felt about it.

Some months ago, it popped up in my Facebook memories, and I read it again. The last part of her post really jumped out at me, I agreed so much with it. I will quote it here, in its entirety for context, and emphasis are mine.

Our speech pathologist often jokes that some day I will come to her and beg her to make him stop talking instead. It’s a joke intended to reassure, but when she says it I know there will never be a day when I say children should be seen and not heard. There will never be a day when I wish my children would just shut up. I will never again underestimate how important communication is; to talk amongst ourselves, to share stories, is to connect with another person. The most essential human ability is communication, because without it we are alone.

So, how has R been doing in the field of speech?

Things I am Learning as a Special Needs Parent

In any journey in life, there will always be lessons and takeaways we can glean.  Our experiences have always been a teacher in our lives, some even say the best teacher we could ever have.  I don't think this journey with R is any different. There's so much I have learned, so much I am still learning, and so much more I have yet to learn.

I credit my training and experience as a teacher for many of what I know about child-raising and teaching.  I credit the experience I had in caring for my baby brother (of course under the watchful eyes of my parents and little bro's caregivers) for giving me the opportunity to learn the skills on baby care.

I didn't go into parenting blind, but I don't think I was fully prepared for parenting either, much less being the parent of a special needs kid.

So here's what I have learned, and most likely still learning, about being a special needs parent.

SPD and Family

In the months since my last post, a whole bunch of things have happened.

But before I get into that, I'm ecstatic to update on R's development.  In discovering that he liked being around other kids during VBS, and as a result started babbling more, we have since enrolled him in a local preschool.  It's quite a non-traditional preschool, and though I am not giving up on homeschooling yet, I'm quite happy seeing R enjoy himself in school.  As a result, he has become a whole lot more chatty and we're seeing a lot more attempts by him to communicate with us verbally.

If you'd like to know more about how I suggest advocating for your SPD kid in school, you may read my previous post on the subject matter.

And now for the topic at hand.

SPD and Language Delays

Yesterday, R had an awesome session of speech therapy, and we've been seeing a whole lot more improvements of him attempting to speak and experiment with sounds.  Last night, I caught him singing ABC to himself.  He never did that before.  And I'm really excited!  He could be conversing with us soon and I can't wait!

Then it got me thinking.  A lot of people have often asked me how SPD affected R's language development, and how it has caused him such a delay.  So I thought I'd do a bit of research and share what I've learned.

In my previous post I talked about how essential pretend play is to language development.  I had also discussed even earlier on the link between SPD with oral motor problems, orofacial apraxia, and even Childhood Apraxia of Speech (CAS).

Today we will discuss about the usual language development of children and how SPD can affect this.

So let's jump right in!

SPD and Pretend Play

For his birthday last year, R's godfather, my husband's best friend, got him the LeapReader in hopes that he will start reading and writing soon.  R loved it and started using it on the books that came with the present.  His interest in the books waned soon, but strangely enough, his interest in the pen didn't.

R has also been taking notice of the things my husband and I do, especially when we talk on the phone.  He even insists on being the one to hang up the calls on our cellphones.  So I wasn't too surprised when he started putting the pen to his ears, turning it on and off, then waving to it with a "buh-buh" (his word for "bye bye" which he has pretty much learned how to say for quite some time).

However, he totally surprised me last night when he was playing with the LeapReader.  He put it to his ear, and started to babble, as though he was making conversation.  This went on for a good 3 minutes.  And then, as if to end the conversation, I heard him say, "Ok.  Buh-buh."

It took a solid ten seconds to dawn on me that he was pretending.  He was actually pretending!

I know what you're thinking.  Why is this such a big deal?

Remember one of my older posts where I mentioned the 5 signs that a child is about to talk?  Well, I mentioned there that R only exhibits 4 of the 5.  The fifth is symbolic or pretend play.  Apparently, pretend play is an essential developmental milestone for a child to learn how to speak.

So how does pretend play affect speech?

Traveling with an SPD Kid

In the years we've had with R, we've had to travel quite a bit, whether it's out of town or overseas.  And even before the SPD diagnosis, we had discovered a few little things about him that made traveling a bit difficult.  R was exhibiting vestibular seeking methods even as early as a year old, when he would always want to go out no matter how tired we were.  He was also quite picky over a lot of foods and we needed to make an effort to seek out the food that he would actually eat.

The SPD diagnosis made a few things clearer to us in terms of his behaviors, and we did learn to adjust to his needs when traveling.  Not saying we're experts, but we've had a few experiences of R having a meltdown while we were overseas or out of town.  Needless to say, it's hard because when you're not in familiar environment, you need to get really creative.

I found a few posts online with tips for traveling with SPD.  You can read them at:

• Travel Tips for Parents of Children with Sensory Integration Issues
• Traveling with a Sensory Seeking Child
• 8 Tips for Flying with a Child with Sensory Processing Disorder
• Travel tips for kids with Sensory Processing Disorder

As for me, here are my tips for traveling with an SPD Kid.

When will my Child be Normal?

R and I have been sick for past few weeks, and just started to recover.  After our visit to ChildFind (who gave us the go ahead to homeschool for 2 years, YAY!), he got a cold, which I also caught.  We recovered in time, or so we thought, for our family vacation to Japan, which was awesome.  But coming home, R went down with bad ear pain, and got otitis media (middle ear infection).

He was put on antibiotics, but the sleepless nights of caring for him got to me and I succumbed.  I'm on the mend now, still not 100% but getting there.

I did do a lot of thinking time while I was recovering, and encountered a couple of posts that were comforting.

SPD and Weaning

When I was pregnant, a good friend of ours who happened to be a doctor advised me to breastfeed my baby.  Hubby and I were naturally agreeable to that, and I spent many weeks during that time studying and learning everything I can about it.

I read up and watched everything I could get.  From Dr. Jack Newman's breastfeeding videos, to On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo.  I will comment on the latter some other day as it's really long and might cause controversy.  Suffice to say that by the time R was born, it wasn't really of much help to me.

SPD and Bullying

Last week, I came across this amazing post shared by Dayna of Lemon Lime Adventures.  It was written anonymously by a mother who also lives with SPD while raising her three daughters who were also diagnosed with the same.

A lot of it rang true for me.  Living with SPD, albeit unknowingly for so many years, was not easy.  And it wasn't helpful to grow up with bullying that comes due to misinformation and misunderstandings.  I was labelled "weird", "clumsy", "uncoordinated" (this despite the fact that I liked to dance), and was oftentimes excluded from many activities from my peers due to this.

And now I am a mother of a boy who exhibits many of the same characteristics I had growing up-  the running, the jumping, the bumping into things, the habit of looking back while I walked forward, the spinning, and so on.  I want to protect him from the bullying and disdain I had experienced growing up, and the best way to combat this is through raising awareness.

And this got me thinking about another topic I am equally passionate about- child abuse.

SPD and Sleep Issues

It's common knowledge that having a child will result in less sleep for the parents, especially during the newborn stage.  The demands of a little bundle can be quite taxing, and one of the usual questions I got when R was a baby was, "Are you sleeping well enough?"

Usually the nights get better as the baby gets older.  But if you were to ask my mother, that was not the case with me.  She told me that at six or seven months old, when I learned to crawl, I would spend the evenings playing with my toys on the floor, while my poor exhausted parents dimmed the bedroom lights in efforts to get me to sleep.  All that was in vain as the dark didn't bother me at all and I continued to play into the night.

Fast forward some twenty something years, and R came into our lives.  I wouldn't say R wasn't a good sleeper, but he did go to bed later than most other babies I knew.  And so with his case of SPD came some sleep issues.

SPD and Homeschooling

You're planning to do WHAT?!

Yep, we've decided to homeschool R.  We've even gone to seminars with TMA Homeschool and hubby and I are ready to jump in.

UPDATE 11/4/2016: TMA Homeschool is now known as Homeschool Global.

But it's not totally final yet.

The SPD Kid in School

This post was featured in The Sensory Spectrum on March 26, 2016.

How does SPD affect a child's behavior in school?

As I used to teach elementary and pre-school, I've seen many behaviors that are quickly labelled as "naughty" or "disobedient".  This is an unfair label due to the fact that SPD kids cannot control themselves when they are overloaded with sensory inputs and having a sensory meltdown.  As such, I feel that many of these kids go through their school years with a reputation that no one really likes to carry.

In my experience growing up unknowingly with SPD, it was very common for my classmates and teachers to label me as "weird" due to my little quirks.  I would be the girl everyone would see walking all over the school during recess and/or lunch.

I'm not kidding when I said all over the school, I really mean all over the school.

There were times I didn't just walk.  I ran.