Waiting and Acting

And so another year has gone by, and it won't be long before we say goodbye to 2017 and hello to 2018.

I won't lie.  The last few years have been quite the roller coaster.  Starting with the lows of diagnosis, whether it was SPD or ASD, to the middles of therapy sessions and appointments here and there, to the highs of seeing progress with R in terms of speech, behavior, and schooling.  It's quite taxing for me as the parent, and I'm sure my husband and even R himself finds this exhausting.

And in the spirit of honesty, I will readily admit that this is not the family life I had envisioned for myself.  But God, in His infinite wisdom, knows what's best.  Romans 8:28 has always been of great comfort to me, more so now than ever before.

I suppose that I have learned - and of course still learning - a lot about parenting, child-rearing, and even about myself through this journey.  And with learning comes time for reflection. No better time to reflect on the past 12 months (or maybe even further) than at the moment nearing the end of the year.

I was planning to post tips on how to deal with the holidays with a child on the spectrum, as well as having sensory issues come to play, but as I continued to think on it, I realized there was one thing I wanted to discuss more than that.

Let's dive right in!

Some of the usual responses I hear from well-meaning family members, relatives, and total strangers when one expresses concern over their child's speech delay are: 

• "He'll catch up, don't worry."
• "He's a boy.  Boys usually talk later than girls."
• "Once she starts talking, you'll end up wishing that she'll stop."
• "Einstein was 4 when he started talking.  Don't fret so much about it."

Yep.  I pretty much heard them all.  The basic principle behind these statements?

Wait and see.

In my experience, watching R struggle with his expressive language became a concern to me and to his pediatrician.  She started suggesting we put him in some form of intervention program.  But the more I expressed this concern, the more people told me to ignore the doctor's advice and do just what they always said, "wait and see". It was one of the more confusing times I've ever been through.

So what should I do?   Where do I turn to for wisdom?

As a believer in Jesus Christ, I am of the stance that the Bible is the Word of God, and as such, should govern how we go about our daily lives.  With this, I turn to Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, where it says,

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

Because there is a "time for every matter under heaven", then I can say that there is a time to wait and a time to act.  So in terms of our children, when do we wait, and when do we act?

Act when you see or feel something is not right with your child.  I cannot stress this enough.  If you see problems or delays, whether it be mental, academic, speech, developmental, sensorial, behavioral, gross or fine motor skills, this is not the time to sit on your hands and wait.  This is the time to start making calls to find a developmental pediatrician or a pediatric psychiatrist and set an appointment to have your child evaluated.

The sooner your child is in some form of intervention program to address his/her needs, the better.  In fact, the younger the child is when intervention starts, the more benefits the child gets.  It's not to say that intervention is useless once they pass a certain age.  It's just that the younger they are, the more flexible they are. It's easier for the child to adjust to these changes and for you to teach your child the necessary skills to function in society when he/she is starting out at 3 years old as opposed to someone who's already 18.  Possible, but more difficult.

When I was little, my parents had my sisters and I attend ballet classes.  Now, as all physical activity goes, stretching is really important.  One of the stretches we used to do was called the "toes to head stretch".  Since I couldn't find a photo online that is not subject to copyright, I decided to draw it myself.

I could do this stretch easily when I was 6.  Due to circumstances though, we had to stop our ballet lessons.  And, as any biologist would attest, the older we get, the harder our bones become.  Ask me to do this stretch today and I won't be able to do it.  I might be able to with a lot of training and practicing and stretching, but it will take much longer and be harder than if I had been doing it since I was 6.

This applies to early intervention and why it's so crucial to start early.  A 2015 study done by the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry using a therapy program called the Early Start Denver Model (ESDM) on ASD children aged 18-30 months at an intensive level shows that even 2 years after the program concluded, the children had improved brain function and social skills.  The people behind the study thus concluded that "[t]hese results provide evidence that gains from early intensive intervention are maintained 2 years later".

Similarly, in 2014, CBS News published an article quoting a study published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, saying that the "impact of early interventions can be so great that in some cases an autistic child who received therapy as a baby will no longer exhibit signs of the disorder by age 3".  I have tried to find the actual study to use as reference and to read for myself, but as such I can't find it.  If you do come across it, do feel free to let me know in the comments.

Okay, we've acted.  Now what?

Wait and go at your child's pace.  The reason we do intervention is to push our special needs children to go beyond the label, beyond the diagnosis.  And at times, probably even most times, we as parents need to push our children to go beyond their comfort zone.

That said, there's a fine line between lovingly pushing your child because you both know he/she is ready, and pushing your child too much that they end up getting discouraged.

I've said this many times.  Nobody knows your child better than you, other than the child himself/herself.  Know your child so well that you know when it's the right time to push, and when it's the right time to back off and come back to it another day.  Each child has his/her own learning pace and needs, so his/her intervention program has to be catered to whatever needs he/she has.

Waiting is hard.  You do want to see improvements almost immediately.  But these things take time.  Your child also needs time to mature.  It may be a long road, but as the years go by, things will get better.  I can attest to that with how R has been doing with his therapy sessions.  He's more expressive, a bit more independent, and loves to learn.  He's a far different boy than he was 3 years ago.  Not quite at the same level as neurotypical kids his age, but I'm confident we will get him to a point where he can be a functional, contributing member of society.

And remember, you are your child's greatest advocate.  So go find out what you can about your child's condition, get the right people in your child's intervention team, and do whatever you can to give said child whatever he/she needs.  Then you wait and watch your child blossom in his/her own special and unique way.

Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year to you all!

Special thanks to my good friend JC for being my proofreader and editor for this post.  Love you!

Welcome to Voices of Special Needs Blog Hop -- a monthly gathering of posts from special needs bloggers hosted by The Sensory Spectrum and The Jenny Evolution. Click on the links below to read stories from other bloggers about having a special needs kiddo -- from Sensory Processing Disorder to ADHD, from Autism to Dyslexia!

Want to join in on next month's Voices of Special Needs Hop? Click here!

An InLinkz Link-up