Book Review: Dancing with Max

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It's been a while since I posted, and this book review speaks of something I have been pondering about for quite some time.  See, more than just the physical, mental, social and emotional development for my son R, just as in important, if not more for me, is his spiritual development.

I have posted before about how we go about teaching R about God.  I've also posted some previous reviews on Christian books tackling special needs parenting and ministry.  But I will confess, there have been times I wondered if anything we tell R about God and Jesus even resonate in his mind.  There have been anecdotes that frighten me, because ASD minds are so literal, that some claim that they cannot seem to grasp the concept of a God who cannot be seen, touched, or heard, that many of them just reject the concept of God altogether.

So I went looking for more books to read, hoping to find something.  And I found this upon the recommendation of Christianity Today.

Thoughts on Educating our Children

One of the most stressful things I feel that parents go through, based on my experience, is the process of placing your child in an educational setting.  And for so long here in the Philippines, there has only been one option - a brick and mortar school with a traditional system of classes, uniforms, and schedules.

Within the last 30 years though, there has been some movements on putting up alternative systems for children.  Though not as widely accepted as traditional brick and mortar schools, progressive schools, playschools, special education schools, even homeschooling have been coming out of the woodwork.  The teacher in me is extremely thrilled for this, though at the same time I am dismayed at how little options there are for parents who, like me, dislike the traditional system and want an alternative for their child.

R is getting older, and the search for progressive preschools has not been too difficult.  There are plenty, at least as far as I know within the metropolis.  But now that he's getting too big and too old for preschool, around the middle of last year we started looking for schools to place him for grade school.

And as if that task is not daunting enough for parents of neurotypical children, for children with special needs, it's even more complicated, and the options pool is even smaller.

So let me tell you how we went about it...

Of Slang Words, Idioms, and Autism

Symphony in Slang from Lee Presson on Vimeo.

In 1951, MGM released a cartoon called a Symphony in Slang, written by Rich Hogan and directed by Tex Avery.  The story of this short video is about a young man named John Brown, who came to heaven with his life story, but to St. Peter and Noah Webster's discomfort, the way he told his story was so peppered full of idioms and slang that they imagined it as literally as they could.

I watched this as a child and found myself relating more to Peter and Webster more than I did with Brown, simply because I was so young when I first watched it on TV.  Nonetheless, this cartoon went deep in my mind and sort of stayed dormant until a few weeks ago.  I was lying in bed next to my husband and mentioned this cartoon because of the idioms that came with it.

It was during this conversation that I realized that this is probably one of the best ways to get people to understand how a person with autism processes language.

Book Review: Bible Promises for Parents of Children with Special Needs

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This book review is going to be a little bit different from previous ones, simply because it's not the type of book you read once, and then you leave it to move to the next one.  On the contrary, this is the type of book that you would want to keep within reach, going back to it again and again.

The story behind Bible Promises for Parents of Children with Special Needs and how it came into our hands may seem ordinary and normal, but I don't think it's a coincidence that it happened.

Book Review: Leading a Special Needs Ministry

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"No one has ever seen the wind. We've only experienced the effects and the results of the wind. And none of us have ever seen God. Just like the movement of a pinwheel makes us sure that the wind exists, we have ways to be sure that God exists."

Welcome to 2018 and to start it off for this blog, we have a new book review!

But first a story.

I had been thinking about this topic for quite a bit, ever since I had just written on teaching your child about God.  In fact, what prompted that post was a meeting I was involved in a few weeks before I wrote that particular article.

Building a Support System for your ASD Child

In the weeks since R's diagnosis, it's been appointments and assessments here and there.

It's also time for my husband and I to process what's happening.  I can't speak for him, but this time was beneficial for me as I got around accepting the diagnosis as it was.  Reading the books I've recently reviewed also really helped me in coming to terms with it.

Did I go through denial?  Yes.  Did I go through grieving?  Yes, absolutely.  A diagnosis like this is completely devastating for a parent of a child with ASD.  You had all these dreams and aspirations and plans for what you wanted to do and wanted for this child since the day of his/her birth, all the things you wanted to experience with him/her.

A diagnosis like this shatters that.

It's okay to process the grief.  That was why I said that reading all those books really helped.  I've since learned that a diagnosis of ASD is devastating, yes, but as I've read many times, it is not a death sentence.  Depending on where on the spectrum a child with ASD is, a parent's job is to advocate for the needed support services for said child.

That said, I will go on writing this article under the assumption that you are located in the Philippines, are a parent of a child that was diagnosed with ASD, and that you're looking for information on your next steps.

So in the context of the Philippines, what support services are available for children on the spectrum?

Book Review: The Loving Push

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Just yesterday, my sister and I were discussing about how a lot of people were making claims about curing autism.  We both agreed that autism is not something to be cured, but that it's something that needs to be managed and accepted.

And because of that conversation, my mind went back to Temple Grandin, when she said that the "world needs all kinds of minds".

So here it is, the second book my brother got for me.  It's also, thus far, the last book I have to read (though I do have another one on the way, it just hasn't arrived yet).

And how was this book?

Two words.  Inspiring.  Practical.

Book Review: The Autistic Brain

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When I told my family that R was officially diagnosed with autism, my father went into research mode.  He knew I had already bought some books from MIBF 2017, but he then absolutely insisted I look up on Temple Grandin.

A few days later, my brother, who is currently studying overseas, called me over Facebook Messenger and asked how we were taking the diagnosis.  And, I guess in his way to try to cheer me up and make me laugh, we took this little quiz together.

The quiz is called the Autism and Asperger Quiz, or AQ for short.  As summarized on the page, this is a "screening measure to help you determine whether you might have an autism spectrum disorder (including Asperger's disorder). This screening quiz is not designed to make a diagnosis or take the place of a professional diagnosis or consultation. Please take the time to fill out the below form as accurately, honestly and completely as possible. All of your responses are confidential" (emphasis mine).

A list of 50 questions, people who are on the spectrum tend to score 32 and higher, while people not in the spectrum tend to score 31 and below.

My brother scored 29.

I scored 33.

After laughing about it between us siblings a bit, my brother then asked me if I wanted to order some books on autism since books where he currently is are cheaper.  He also happened to have an account with Book Depository (Yes, I finally got an account for myself, was that impressed with them!) and so we went hunting for books by Temple Grandin.

So when my cousin, who had been visiting my brother, came back home, he had with him the two books my brother ordered in my behalf.  I decided to read this one first, as I wanted to first know more about the brain on the spectrum before I could even think about tackling the other one.

But first, a little biography on the authors.

Book Review: The Reason I Jump

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Japanese Book Cover

Well, I seem to be on a roll.

So let's get the disclaimers out of the way, shall we?

I have no contact with the author or the publishers of the book I am about to review.  To alleviate fears of bias, let me state that I read this book through a really good friend who shared her copy with me.

And to again quote from previous reviews, "I will state that all that will be written from here on are my personal opinions and are not, in any way, meant to be taken as gospel truth or medical advice. I am not a medical practitioner or a child developmental expert. I am just a former teacher, a simple mother, a possibly autistic woman with a child who has autism."

We're clear?  Okay, let's do this.

Book Review: The Conscious Parent's Guide to Autism

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Welcome back to yet another book review.  As I have mentioned before, R's diagnosis has caused an influx of information gathering.  This is the second book on ASD that I will be reviewing, and do expect a few more reviews as the days pass, as I do have three more Autism books on my "to-read" list.

And to quote from my previous review, "let me state that I did not get this book for free. My husband and I bought it while we were at the Manila International Book Fair 2017. So I hope that will put some thoughts of bias to rest.

Also, as a disclaimer of sorts, I will state that all that will be written from here on are my personal opinions and are not, in any way, meant to be taken as gospel truth or medical advice. I am not a medical practitioner or a child developmental expert. I am just a former teacher, a simple mother, a possibly autistic woman with a child who has autism."

Hope that's clear.  Now on to the review!

Book Review: Autism Breakthrough

Looks like a lot in this blog is going to change.

I've always approached talking about SPD by how it differentiated from Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and other conditions.  But now that R has been officially diagnosed, it's time to switch gears and talk about ASD and SPD hand in hand.

But because there is a lot of websites and blogs out there with info on ASD, I feel I do not need to rehash them in this blog.  I've also talked about before on how children with ASD also exhibit SPD symptoms and behaviors.  So do read up on that if you like.

If you want to know more about the condition, please refer to the following links:

• National Institute of Mental Health
• Autistic Self Advocacy Network
• WebMD on the types of ASD

Now, I advise you to read up on ASD before coming back to read my review of a book I picked up over the weekend, because it'll be very helpful to understand what it is before I ramble about it, especially since I will be using some unfamiliar terms such as stimming.

Okay, we're good? 

Let's roll.

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To start this review, let me state that I did not get this book for free.  My husband and I bought it while we were at the Manila International Book Fair 2017.  So I hope that will put some thoughts of bias to rest.

Also, as a disclaimer of sorts, I will state that all that will be written from here on are my personal opinions and are not, in any way, meant to be taken as gospel truth or medical advice.  I am not a medical practitioner or a child developmental expert.  I am just a former teacher, a simple mother, a possibly autistic woman with a child who has autism.

We're Seeing Progress!

It's a really huge thing once your silent child starts speaking.

A year ago, I read an article by Jenn Schleich, that really spoke to my heart.  R's speech delay had caused my husband and I much anxiety, and reading her article really articulated how we felt about it.

Some months ago, it popped up in my Facebook memories, and I read it again. The last part of her post really jumped out at me, I agreed so much with it. I will quote it here, in its entirety for context, and emphasis are mine.

Our speech pathologist often jokes that some day I will come to her and beg her to make him stop talking instead. It’s a joke intended to reassure, but when she says it I know there will never be a day when I say children should be seen and not heard. There will never be a day when I wish my children would just shut up. I will never again underestimate how important communication is; to talk amongst ourselves, to share stories, is to connect with another person. The most essential human ability is communication, because without it we are alone.

So, how has R been doing in the field of speech?

SPD, Abuse and Mental Health

Today's post might seem a little bit all over the page, so I'd like to apologize if it seems a bit jumbled.  But this has been a topic that has sitting in my mind for quite some time already.

I had touched on a previous post about how bullying is prevalent in the lives of children with special needs, and how this also translates to the same effects as one undergoing abuse of any form.  What we haven't touched on is how this then affects the mental health of our precious little ones.

So let's recap on the types of abuse that are out there, as defined by Childhelp:

1. Physical Abuse - the act of physically hurting a child. This includes "striking, kicking, burning, biting, hair pulling, choking, throwing, shoving, whipping or any other action that injures a child. Even if the caregiver didn’t mean to cause injury, when the child is injured it is abuse. Physical discipline from a parent that does not injure or impair a child is not considered abuse; however non-violent alternatives are always available."
2. Sexual Abuse - the act of using sex as a means to break down a child's self-worth and dignity. It is also "when an adult uses a child for sexual purposes or involves a child in sexual acts. It also includes when a child who is older or more powerful uses another child for sexual gratification or excitement."
3. Emotional or Psychological Abuse - "When a parent or caregiver harms a child’s mental and social development, or causes severe emotional harm, it is considered emotional abuse. While a single incident may be abuse, most often emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that causes damage over time."
4. Child Neglect - This is when "a parent or caregiver does not give the care, supervision, affection and support needed for a child’s health, safety and well-being. Child neglect includes - physical neglect and inadequate supervision, emotional neglect, medical neglect, educational neglect."

Abuse is all about control and power.  And sadly a lot of children are victims to this sick game they play.  According to this article published on July 25, 2016 by the Philippine Daily Inquirer, a newspaper publication in the Philippines:

As many as 2,147 cases (emphasis mine) of child abuse were reported to the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) in the first quarter of this year, more than one–fourth of which was of a sexual nature.

The figure was nearly half of the total 4,374 child abuse cases reported in the entire year of 2015, according to the Policy Development and Planning Bureau of the DSWD.

That's a huge number and extremely distressing.  And the best way to combat this is by awareness.

So let's look at some of the common strategies used by abusers to manipulate their victims.

Things I am Learning as a Special Needs Parent

In any journey in life, there will always be lessons and takeaways we can glean.  Our experiences have always been a teacher in our lives, some even say the best teacher we could ever have.  I don't think this journey with R is any different. There's so much I have learned, so much I am still learning, and so much more I have yet to learn.

I credit my training and experience as a teacher for many of what I know about child-raising and teaching.  I credit the experience I had in caring for my baby brother (of course under the watchful eyes of my parents and little bro's caregivers) for giving me the opportunity to learn the skills on baby care.

I didn't go into parenting blind, but I don't think I was fully prepared for parenting either, much less being the parent of a special needs kid.

So here's what I have learned, and most likely still learning, about being a special needs parent.

SPD and Family

In the months since my last post, a whole bunch of things have happened.

But before I get into that, I'm ecstatic to update on R's development.  In discovering that he liked being around other kids during VBS, and as a result started babbling more, we have since enrolled him in a local preschool.  It's quite a non-traditional preschool, and though I am not giving up on homeschooling yet, I'm quite happy seeing R enjoy himself in school.  As a result, he has become a whole lot more chatty and we're seeing a lot more attempts by him to communicate with us verbally.

If you'd like to know more about how I suggest advocating for your SPD kid in school, you may read my previous post on the subject matter.

And now for the topic at hand.

SPD and Pretend Play

For his birthday last year, R's godfather, my husband's best friend, got him the LeapReader in hopes that he will start reading and writing soon.  R loved it and started using it on the books that came with the present.  His interest in the books waned soon, but strangely enough, his interest in the pen didn't.

R has also been taking notice of the things my husband and I do, especially when we talk on the phone.  He even insists on being the one to hang up the calls on our cellphones.  So I wasn't too surprised when he started putting the pen to his ears, turning it on and off, then waving to it with a "buh-buh" (his word for "bye bye" which he has pretty much learned how to say for quite some time).

However, he totally surprised me last night when he was playing with the LeapReader.  He put it to his ear, and started to babble, as though he was making conversation.  This went on for a good 3 minutes.  And then, as if to end the conversation, I heard him say, "Ok.  Buh-buh."

It took a solid ten seconds to dawn on me that he was pretending.  He was actually pretending!

I know what you're thinking.  Why is this such a big deal?

Remember one of my older posts where I mentioned the 5 signs that a child is about to talk?  Well, I mentioned there that R only exhibits 4 of the 5.  The fifth is symbolic or pretend play.  Apparently, pretend play is an essential developmental milestone for a child to learn how to speak.

So how does pretend play affect speech?

Rude Remarks while Parenting a Special Needs Child

I had just read this article that was featured in The Sensory Spectrum, and it made me remember a similar incident that happened not too long ago.

I remember when, back in Hong Kong, I had to leave R with his dad for a little while. I wasn't feeling very well since I had eaten something that didn't sit well with me so I had to go the bathroom. R, on the other hand, was wired up, wouldn't settle, and it was way past his nap time. He couldn't sleep, simply because we were out and about.

I was having a hard time carrying and taking him around as the food poisoning was causing me to weaken, and even became feverish at one point in the day. So my husband and I decided to stop at a Starbucks coffee shop so he could get a drink for us, as well as get R calm for nap. I prepared a bottle of milk for him, laid him down on the sofa, and proceeded to the bathroom.

Traveling with an SPD Kid

In the years we've had with R, we've had to travel quite a bit, whether it's out of town or overseas.  And even before the SPD diagnosis, we had discovered a few little things about him that made traveling a bit difficult.  R was exhibiting vestibular seeking methods even as early as a year old, when he would always want to go out no matter how tired we were.  He was also quite picky over a lot of foods and we needed to make an effort to seek out the food that he would actually eat.

The SPD diagnosis made a few things clearer to us in terms of his behaviors, and we did learn to adjust to his needs when traveling.  Not saying we're experts, but we've had a few experiences of R having a meltdown while we were overseas or out of town.  Needless to say, it's hard because when you're not in familiar environment, you need to get really creative.

I found a few posts online with tips for traveling with SPD.  You can read them at:

• Travel Tips for Parents of Children with Sensory Integration Issues
• Traveling with a Sensory Seeking Child
• 8 Tips for Flying with a Child with Sensory Processing Disorder
• Travel tips for kids with Sensory Processing Disorder

As for me, here are my tips for traveling with an SPD Kid.

Little Victories

And so it's official, we are enrolled as a homeschooling family with TMA Homeschool.

UPDATE 11/4/2016: TMA Homeschool is now known as Homeschool Global.

I went and attended Curriculum Day today, and listened to a short talk by Joy Tan-chi Mendoza on how to choose books and material that will be customized for the needs of the kids.  I liked how flexible it was, and with R counted as a special needs kid, it gives me a whole lot more leeway on how to teach him, considering he's not really speaking yet.

And some of the slides shown are the following:

When will my Child be Normal?

R and I have been sick for past few weeks, and just started to recover.  After our visit to ChildFind (who gave us the go ahead to homeschool for 2 years, YAY!), he got a cold, which I also caught.  We recovered in time, or so we thought, for our family vacation to Japan, which was awesome.  But coming home, R went down with bad ear pain, and got otitis media (middle ear infection).

He was put on antibiotics, but the sleepless nights of caring for him got to me and I succumbed.  I'm on the mend now, still not 100% but getting there.

I did do a lot of thinking time while I was recovering, and encountered a couple of posts that were comforting.