Thoughts on Educating our Children

One of the most stressful things I feel that parents go through, based on my experience, is the process of placing your child in an educational setting.  And for so long here in the Philippines, there has only been one option - a brick and mortar school with a traditional system of classes, uniforms, and schedules.

Within the last 30 years though, there has been some movements on putting up alternative systems for children.  Though not as widely accepted as traditional brick and mortar schools, progressive schools, playschools, special education schools, even homeschooling have been coming out of the woodwork.  The teacher in me is extremely thrilled for this, though at the same time I am dismayed at how little options there are for parents who, like me, dislike the traditional system and want an alternative for their child.

R is getting older, and the search for progressive preschools has not been too difficult.  There are plenty, at least as far as I know within the metropolis.  But now that he's getting too big and too old for preschool, around the middle of last year we started looking for schools to place him for grade school.

And as if that task is not daunting enough for parents of neurotypical children, for children with special needs, it's even more complicated, and the options pool is even smaller.

So let me tell you how we went about it...

Philippine National Autism Consciousness Week 2018

In 1996, former President Fidel V. Ramos signed Proclamation No. 711, declaring the third week of the month of January every year to be the National Autism Consciousness Week in the Philippines.

I will admit, I was not aware of this until just a few days ago.  I'm not sure if it's for a lack of information dissemination, or I'm just living under a rock all these years.  But now that I know, I thought I'd make a little post to contribute to this.

This week was kicked off, as they do annually, with the Angels Walk for Autism held at the SM Mall of Asia grounds.  It was also paired with events allowing people with autism or PWAs to showcase their talents, whether it be singing, painting, taking photos, or anything at all.  From what the news has shown, it was quite a successful event.

I kind of feel bad for not being able to partake in this, but it so happened I had to be out of town for my grandma's 100th birthday.  So in honor of this week, here's a quick list of organizations, merchants, and events in the Philippines that support PWAs and the research to find out more about autism.  

Please note that I have not attended many of these events and that these are shared for information purposes only.  This is not an endorsement on my part.

Autism Advocacy Organizations

• Autism Society of the Philippines - Facebook - Instagram - Twitter
• Unilab Foundation Project Inclusion PH - Dare to Hire Me Now - Instagram
• Association for Adults with Autism Philippines
• Center for Autism and Related Disorders Philippines

Brands and Merchants Supporting Autism Research and Inclusion

• Banana Peel Flip Flops - Facebook - Instagram - Twitter
• Kiehl's Philippines
• Canon Philippines
• IBM Philippines
• Krispy Kreme Philippines
• SM Supermalls
• SM Supermarket, Hypermarket and Savemore
• Cebu Pacific Air
• Eurotel
• The Legend Villas
• Puzzle Gourmet Store & Café

Foundations Affiliated with Autism Society Philippines

• SM Foundation - SM Cares
• Unilab Foundation - Facebook - Twitter - Instagram - YouTube
• Metrobank Foundation - Facebook
• One Meralco Foundation

Events for Autism Awareness (to be updated as events are added)

• Angels Walk for Autism (held annually on the third Sunday of January)
• Golden Heart Autism Awareness Fair
• Raising a Child With Autism

An Open Letter to the Lady in the Bathroom

Dear Lady in the Bathroom,

A few weeks ago, during the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping, a fair was held in a location near my parents' home.  It was one of those usual Christmas fairs- full of people looking for bargains, stalls lined everywhere, and the din of sellers inviting potential sales coming from all sides.

It was one of those days when my mother, in an attempt to give me and my husband a break so we can do our Christmas shopping, decided to take my young son, who has autism, to this fair.  

And we all know how children on the spectrum deal with busy, and I mean busy, places.

Waiting and Acting

And so another year has gone by, and it won't be long before we say goodbye to 2017 and hello to 2018.

I won't lie.  The last few years have been quite the roller coaster.  Starting with the lows of diagnosis, whether it was SPD or ASD, to the middles of therapy sessions and appointments here and there, to the highs of seeing progress with R in terms of speech, behavior, and schooling.  It's quite taxing for me as the parent, and I'm sure my husband and even R himself finds this exhausting.

And in the spirit of honesty, I will readily admit that this is not the family life I had envisioned for myself.  But God, in His infinite wisdom, knows what's best.  Romans 8:28 has always been of great comfort to me, more so now than ever before.

I suppose that I have learned - and of course still learning - a lot about parenting, child-rearing, and even about myself through this journey.  And with learning comes time for reflection. No better time to reflect on the past 12 months (or maybe even further) than at the moment nearing the end of the year.

I was planning to post tips on how to deal with the holidays with a child on the spectrum, as well as having sensory issues come to play, but as I continued to think on it, I realized there was one thing I wanted to discuss more than that.

Let's dive right in!

Teaching Your Special Needs Child about God

"Always pray for your child."

I've attended quite a few parenting seminars over the years, and one of the statements I've always heard from speakers of said seminars is the urgency to bring your child to the foot of the Lord's throne.

As a Christian, I do believe in answered prayers, of those petitions and praises that have been lifted up to Jesus from hearts that truly seek and love Him.  Of comfort to me is the promise that He always hears, as stated in 1 John 5:14 that "this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us".

It is of no question that my husband and I, on the day we were married, aim to raise the children that God would bless us with in the "discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).  And that in itself is hard enough with neurotypical children.

But when we're talking about special needs children, how do we teach them as we are commanded to in the Bible?

Building a Support System for your ASD Child

In the weeks since R's diagnosis, it's been appointments and assessments here and there.

It's also time for my husband and I to process what's happening.  I can't speak for him, but this time was beneficial for me as I got around accepting the diagnosis as it was.  Reading the books I've recently reviewed also really helped me in coming to terms with it.

Did I go through denial?  Yes.  Did I go through grieving?  Yes, absolutely.  A diagnosis like this is completely devastating for a parent of a child with ASD.  You had all these dreams and aspirations and plans for what you wanted to do and wanted for this child since the day of his/her birth, all the things you wanted to experience with him/her.

A diagnosis like this shatters that.

It's okay to process the grief.  That was why I said that reading all those books really helped.  I've since learned that a diagnosis of ASD is devastating, yes, but as I've read many times, it is not a death sentence.  Depending on where on the spectrum a child with ASD is, a parent's job is to advocate for the needed support services for said child.

That said, I will go on writing this article under the assumption that you are located in the Philippines, are a parent of a child that was diagnosed with ASD, and that you're looking for information on your next steps.

So in the context of the Philippines, what support services are available for children on the spectrum?

Book Review: Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew

Book Cover

After an intense read of something that made me feel like I was back in college, picking this one next was a good respite for my mind.

My wonderful friend J picked up this book for me, and as soon as I got it, I couldn't wait to open it and take in its contents.  The story of this book was that when my friend bought it from Book Depository, it was supposed to arrive within three weeks.  Well, those three weeks passed.  No book.  So my friend emailed them saying she didn't get it.  They promptly send a replacement copy to compensate.

Surprise, surprise, the first copy arrived a few days later.  Now we will have an extra copy lying around once it arrives.  I do have some plans for that extra copy though...

But back to the review.  Author Ellen Notbohm, mother of an older son with ADHD and a younger son with ASD, is writing from the perspective of a parent with special needs children, a perspective I so appreciate.

So, what are the Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew?

We're Seeing Progress!

It's a really huge thing once your silent child starts speaking.

A year ago, I read an article by Jenn Schleich, that really spoke to my heart.  R's speech delay had caused my husband and I much anxiety, and reading her article really articulated how we felt about it.

Some months ago, it popped up in my Facebook memories, and I read it again. The last part of her post really jumped out at me, I agreed so much with it. I will quote it here, in its entirety for context, and emphasis are mine.

Our speech pathologist often jokes that some day I will come to her and beg her to make him stop talking instead. It’s a joke intended to reassure, but when she says it I know there will never be a day when I say children should be seen and not heard. There will never be a day when I wish my children would just shut up. I will never again underestimate how important communication is; to talk amongst ourselves, to share stories, is to connect with another person. The most essential human ability is communication, because without it we are alone.

So, how has R been doing in the field of speech?

SPD, Abuse and Mental Health

Today's post might seem a little bit all over the page, so I'd like to apologize if it seems a bit jumbled.  But this has been a topic that has sitting in my mind for quite some time already.

I had touched on a previous post about how bullying is prevalent in the lives of children with special needs, and how this also translates to the same effects as one undergoing abuse of any form.  What we haven't touched on is how this then affects the mental health of our precious little ones.

So let's recap on the types of abuse that are out there, as defined by Childhelp:

1. Physical Abuse - the act of physically hurting a child. This includes "striking, kicking, burning, biting, hair pulling, choking, throwing, shoving, whipping or any other action that injures a child. Even if the caregiver didn’t mean to cause injury, when the child is injured it is abuse. Physical discipline from a parent that does not injure or impair a child is not considered abuse; however non-violent alternatives are always available."
2. Sexual Abuse - the act of using sex as a means to break down a child's self-worth and dignity. It is also "when an adult uses a child for sexual purposes or involves a child in sexual acts. It also includes when a child who is older or more powerful uses another child for sexual gratification or excitement."
3. Emotional or Psychological Abuse - "When a parent or caregiver harms a child’s mental and social development, or causes severe emotional harm, it is considered emotional abuse. While a single incident may be abuse, most often emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that causes damage over time."
4. Child Neglect - This is when "a parent or caregiver does not give the care, supervision, affection and support needed for a child’s health, safety and well-being. Child neglect includes - physical neglect and inadequate supervision, emotional neglect, medical neglect, educational neglect."

Abuse is all about control and power.  And sadly a lot of children are victims to this sick game they play.  According to this article published on July 25, 2016 by the Philippine Daily Inquirer, a newspaper publication in the Philippines:

As many as 2,147 cases (emphasis mine) of child abuse were reported to the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) in the first quarter of this year, more than one–fourth of which was of a sexual nature.

The figure was nearly half of the total 4,374 child abuse cases reported in the entire year of 2015, according to the Policy Development and Planning Bureau of the DSWD.

That's a huge number and extremely distressing.  And the best way to combat this is by awareness.

So let's look at some of the common strategies used by abusers to manipulate their victims.

SPD and Pretend Play

For his birthday last year, R's godfather, my husband's best friend, got him the LeapReader in hopes that he will start reading and writing soon.  R loved it and started using it on the books that came with the present.  His interest in the books waned soon, but strangely enough, his interest in the pen didn't.

R has also been taking notice of the things my husband and I do, especially when we talk on the phone.  He even insists on being the one to hang up the calls on our cellphones.  So I wasn't too surprised when he started putting the pen to his ears, turning it on and off, then waving to it with a "buh-buh" (his word for "bye bye" which he has pretty much learned how to say for quite some time).

However, he totally surprised me last night when he was playing with the LeapReader.  He put it to his ear, and started to babble, as though he was making conversation.  This went on for a good 3 minutes.  And then, as if to end the conversation, I heard him say, "Ok.  Buh-buh."

It took a solid ten seconds to dawn on me that he was pretending.  He was actually pretending!

I know what you're thinking.  Why is this such a big deal?

Remember one of my older posts where I mentioned the 5 signs that a child is about to talk?  Well, I mentioned there that R only exhibits 4 of the 5.  The fifth is symbolic or pretend play.  Apparently, pretend play is an essential developmental milestone for a child to learn how to speak.

So how does pretend play affect speech?

Rude Remarks while Parenting a Special Needs Child

I had just read this article that was featured in The Sensory Spectrum, and it made me remember a similar incident that happened not too long ago.

I remember when, back in Hong Kong, I had to leave R with his dad for a little while. I wasn't feeling very well since I had eaten something that didn't sit well with me so I had to go the bathroom. R, on the other hand, was wired up, wouldn't settle, and it was way past his nap time. He couldn't sleep, simply because we were out and about.

I was having a hard time carrying and taking him around as the food poisoning was causing me to weaken, and even became feverish at one point in the day. So my husband and I decided to stop at a Starbucks coffee shop so he could get a drink for us, as well as get R calm for nap. I prepared a bottle of milk for him, laid him down on the sofa, and proceeded to the bathroom.

Homeschooling with SPD

Because it's been a while since I posted...

Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year!

新年快樂!

Now that it's out of the way... On to the topic at hand.

R and I have been homeschooling now for at least 18 weeks, not counting the weeks he had for Christmas and New Year breaks.  Over time we've done a few projects, some activities, and a lot of learning, mostly on my part.

Traveling with an SPD Kid

In the years we've had with R, we've had to travel quite a bit, whether it's out of town or overseas.  And even before the SPD diagnosis, we had discovered a few little things about him that made traveling a bit difficult.  R was exhibiting vestibular seeking methods even as early as a year old, when he would always want to go out no matter how tired we were.  He was also quite picky over a lot of foods and we needed to make an effort to seek out the food that he would actually eat.

The SPD diagnosis made a few things clearer to us in terms of his behaviors, and we did learn to adjust to his needs when traveling.  Not saying we're experts, but we've had a few experiences of R having a meltdown while we were overseas or out of town.  Needless to say, it's hard because when you're not in familiar environment, you need to get really creative.

I found a few posts online with tips for traveling with SPD.  You can read them at:

• Travel Tips for Parents of Children with Sensory Integration Issues
• Traveling with a Sensory Seeking Child
• 8 Tips for Flying with a Child with Sensory Processing Disorder
• Travel tips for kids with Sensory Processing Disorder

As for me, here are my tips for traveling with an SPD Kid.

Little Victories

And so it's official, we are enrolled as a homeschooling family with TMA Homeschool.

UPDATE 11/4/2016: TMA Homeschool is now known as Homeschool Global.

I went and attended Curriculum Day today, and listened to a short talk by Joy Tan-chi Mendoza on how to choose books and material that will be customized for the needs of the kids.  I liked how flexible it was, and with R counted as a special needs kid, it gives me a whole lot more leeway on how to teach him, considering he's not really speaking yet.

And some of the slides shown are the following:

When will my Child be Normal?

R and I have been sick for past few weeks, and just started to recover.  After our visit to ChildFind (who gave us the go ahead to homeschool for 2 years, YAY!), he got a cold, which I also caught.  We recovered in time, or so we thought, for our family vacation to Japan, which was awesome.  But coming home, R went down with bad ear pain, and got otitis media (middle ear infection).

He was put on antibiotics, but the sleepless nights of caring for him got to me and I succumbed.  I'm on the mend now, still not 100% but getting there.

I did do a lot of thinking time while I was recovering, and encountered a couple of posts that were comforting.

Be Kind

Yesterday I read this article published by The Age newspaper based in Melbourne, Australia.

It got me thinking.

Last year, when R was recently diagnosed, I struggled with the question, "Does this mean I have a special needs child?"

I was also asked that of several well-meaning people, although at the time it was hard to answer.  Because R seemed so normal aside from his speech delay, it was really hard to come to terms with whether or not he was a special needs kid.

Admittedly, I as a parent would not have actively chosen to have a kid who has special needs.  I realized that while I am taking this journey with R.  But for reasons I have yet to fully understand, God has blessed us with this little boy, SPD and all.

And by His grace, I know that there are others in worse situations than us.

I am in several Facebook groups.  In one of them, I read of a little guy named Caleb Munn.  As of this posting he is eight months old, and is recovering from a liver transplant.

Yes you read that right.

Caleb was diagnosed at two months old with a severe liver disease called Biliary Atresia.

SPD and Homeschooling

You're planning to do WHAT?!

Yep, we've decided to homeschool R.  We've even gone to seminars with TMA Homeschool and hubby and I are ready to jump in.

UPDATE 11/4/2016: TMA Homeschool is now known as Homeschool Global.

But it's not totally final yet.

The SPD Kid in School

This post was featured in The Sensory Spectrum on March 26, 2016.

How does SPD affect a child's behavior in school?

As I used to teach elementary and pre-school, I've seen many behaviors that are quickly labelled as "naughty" or "disobedient".  This is an unfair label due to the fact that SPD kids cannot control themselves when they are overloaded with sensory inputs and having a sensory meltdown.  As such, I feel that many of these kids go through their school years with a reputation that no one really likes to carry.

In my experience growing up unknowingly with SPD, it was very common for my classmates and teachers to label me as "weird" due to my little quirks.  I would be the girl everyone would see walking all over the school during recess and/or lunch.

I'm not kidding when I said all over the school, I really mean all over the school.

There were times I didn't just walk.  I ran.

SPD and Oral Motor Problems

You also mentioned that R has aversions to certain food textures due to SPD.  Could that be related to his speech delay?

If you were to ask R's speech language pathologist (SLP), the answer is a resounding yes.  One of the red flags of SPD is language delay as well as feeding problems.  We had R assessed by an SLP around the same time as the OT, then another assessment with the SLP a few months after consistent OT sessions.

Language works in two ways- expressive and receptive.  Receptive language basically is how we understand words.  It's the ability to understand language.  This is how we learn to associate words with items and contexts.  Expressive language is the use of words, sentences and basically language.

The Seven Senses and Sensory Diets

We have more than 5 senses?!

Five Senses by Hi-5 © 2011-2012

As kids we were taught that we have five senses - sight, touch, taste, hearing and smell.  That's pretty standard, and quite well known, even made into a song by the famous group Hi-5.

But we don't have just five senses.  Not even seven.  We actually have around 14 to 20 senses, depending on which expert you speak to.  But for the purpose of SPD, the senses are usually classified to seven.

So what are the seven senses?