Book Review: Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew

Book Cover

After an intense read of something that made me feel like I was back in college, picking this one next was a good respite for my mind.

My wonderful friend J picked up this book for me, and as soon as I got it, I couldn't wait to open it and take in its contents.  The story of this book was that when my friend bought it from Book Depository, it was supposed to arrive within three weeks.  Well, those three weeks passed.  No book.  So my friend emailed them saying she didn't get it.  They promptly send a replacement copy to compensate.

Surprise, surprise, the first copy arrived a few days later.  Now we will have an extra copy lying around once it arrives.  I do have some plans for that extra copy though...

But back to the review.  Author Ellen Notbohm, mother of an older son with ADHD and a younger son with ASD, is writing from the perspective of a parent with special needs children, a perspective I so appreciate.

So, what are the Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew?

Taken directly from the book's table of contents, this list summarizes what Notbohm states as the ten things children on the spectrum wants everyone to know:

1. I am a whole child.
2. My senses are out of sync.
3. Distinguish between won't and can't.
4. I am a concrete thinker.  I interpret language literally.
5. Listen to all the ways I am trying to communicate.
6. Picture this!  I am visually oriented.
7. Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do.
8. Help me with social interactions.
9. Identify what triggers my meltdowns.
10. Love me unconditionally.

Originally published as an internet article, the list resonated with so many parents that it was expanded and published as a book in 2005.  But because seven years has passed since its publication, the author's son Bryce, who is on the spectrum, has grown since.  Thus, Notbohm and her publishers worked on a updated and expanded edition of Ten Things, and this edition was published in 2012.

This book is an incredible easy read, as I was able to finish it in less than two days.  Notbohm writes in a language that is smooth and flowing, and the reader is able to follow easily as she weaves her story of her journey with Bryce, while in between are explanations to some of the medical jargon that she has to use to illustrate the conditions that Bryce went through.  She dedicates a whole chapter to sensory issues, to visual learning, even to stress on how a parent's mindset influences how far the child can go.  Transforming "won't" to "can't" makes issues, behavioral or otherwise, a bit more bearable.  Because in thinking that a child on the spectrum is deliberately being belligerent actually does a lot of harm not just to the child, but also to the relationship between the child and the parent.  But thinking of it as something an ASD child can't do for the meantime will cause you to try and think of ways to help the child move from can't to can-do.

One of my favorite quotes from the book is, "The distinction between what constitutes a disability and what constitutes a different ability is much more than pretentious political correctness.  We are all differently abled."  And that is true!  Not everyone is a math genius.  Neither is everyone a word wizard.  Not all people can become their era's version of Pablo Picasso.  Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses.  We are made to help each other, lean on each other, celebrate each other's strengths and supporting each other through our weaknesses.

This is why I am so thankful for my church family and friends.  In the time since R's diagnosis, the support and the prayers have been amazing.  R's Sunday School teacher has actually taken the time to read about autism and how to handle them.  As a result, R likes going to church and attending Sunday School.  Others have been praying with us, advising us, or even just listening to us when we pour out our griefs and concerns.  Never has 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 resonated with me as it does now.  And in that passage, what really stood out to me is verse 26, where it says:

If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

And with that, I give this book 4 out of 5 stars.  I recommend this highly as one of the first books to read once a diagnosis of autism is made.  But I would also recommend that because of the stress on the importance of addressing sensory issues that after you read this book, also read The Conscious Parent's Guide to Autism, The Out-of-Sync-Child, The Out-of Sync Child Grows Up and Raising a Sensory Smart Child.

Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew can be purchased at Book Depository for USD 19.95 or PHP 1,027.92 or at Apple iBooks for USD 18.99 or PHP 978.46.