Thoughts on Educating our Children

One of the most stressful things I feel that parents go through, based on my experience, is the process of placing your child in an educational setting.  And for so long here in the Philippines, there has only been one option - a brick and mortar school with a traditional system of classes, uniforms, and schedules.

Within the last 30 years though, there has been some movements on putting up alternative systems for children.  Though not as widely accepted as traditional brick and mortar schools, progressive schools, playschools, special education schools, even homeschooling have been coming out of the woodwork.  The teacher in me is extremely thrilled for this, though at the same time I am dismayed at how little options there are for parents who, like me, dislike the traditional system and want an alternative for their child.

R is getting older, and the search for progressive preschools has not been too difficult.  There are plenty, at least as far as I know within the metropolis.  But now that he's getting too big and too old for preschool, around the middle of last year we started looking for schools to place him for grade school.

And as if that task is not daunting enough for parents of neurotypical children, for children with special needs, it's even more complicated, and the options pool is even smaller.

So let me tell you how we went about it...

Of Slang Words, Idioms, and Autism

Symphony in Slang from Lee Presson on Vimeo.

In 1951, MGM released a cartoon called a Symphony in Slang, written by Rich Hogan and directed by Tex Avery.  The story of this short video is about a young man named John Brown, who came to heaven with his life story, but to St. Peter and Noah Webster's discomfort, the way he told his story was so peppered full of idioms and slang that they imagined it as literally as they could.

I watched this as a child and found myself relating more to Peter and Webster more than I did with Brown, simply because I was so young when I first watched it on TV.  Nonetheless, this cartoon went deep in my mind and sort of stayed dormant until a few weeks ago.  I was lying in bed next to my husband and mentioned this cartoon because of the idioms that came with it.

It was during this conversation that I realized that this is probably one of the best ways to get people to understand how a person with autism processes language.

Philippine National Autism Consciousness Week 2018

In 1996, former President Fidel V. Ramos signed Proclamation No. 711, declaring the third week of the month of January every year to be the National Autism Consciousness Week in the Philippines.

I will admit, I was not aware of this until just a few days ago.  I'm not sure if it's for a lack of information dissemination, or I'm just living under a rock all these years.  But now that I know, I thought I'd make a little post to contribute to this.

This week was kicked off, as they do annually, with the Angels Walk for Autism held at the SM Mall of Asia grounds.  It was also paired with events allowing people with autism or PWAs to showcase their talents, whether it be singing, painting, taking photos, or anything at all.  From what the news has shown, it was quite a successful event.

I kind of feel bad for not being able to partake in this, but it so happened I had to be out of town for my grandma's 100th birthday.  So in honor of this week, here's a quick list of organizations, merchants, and events in the Philippines that support PWAs and the research to find out more about autism.  

Please note that I have not attended many of these events and that these are shared for information purposes only.  This is not an endorsement on my part.

Autism Advocacy Organizations

• Autism Society of the Philippines - Facebook - Instagram - Twitter
• Unilab Foundation Project Inclusion PH - Dare to Hire Me Now - Instagram
• Association for Adults with Autism Philippines
• Center for Autism and Related Disorders Philippines

Brands and Merchants Supporting Autism Research and Inclusion

• Banana Peel Flip Flops - Facebook - Instagram - Twitter
• Kiehl's Philippines
• Canon Philippines
• IBM Philippines
• Krispy Kreme Philippines
• SM Supermalls
• SM Supermarket, Hypermarket and Savemore
• Cebu Pacific Air
• Eurotel
• The Legend Villas
• Puzzle Gourmet Store & Café

Foundations Affiliated with Autism Society Philippines

• SM Foundation - SM Cares
• Unilab Foundation - Facebook - Twitter - Instagram - YouTube
• Metrobank Foundation - Facebook
• One Meralco Foundation

Events for Autism Awareness (to be updated as events are added)

• Angels Walk for Autism (held annually on the third Sunday of January)
• Golden Heart Autism Awareness Fair
• Raising a Child With Autism

An Open Letter to the Lady in the Bathroom

Dear Lady in the Bathroom,

A few weeks ago, during the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping, a fair was held in a location near my parents' home.  It was one of those usual Christmas fairs- full of people looking for bargains, stalls lined everywhere, and the din of sellers inviting potential sales coming from all sides.

It was one of those days when my mother, in an attempt to give me and my husband a break so we can do our Christmas shopping, decided to take my young son, who has autism, to this fair.  

And we all know how children on the spectrum deal with busy, and I mean busy, places.

Waiting and Acting

And so another year has gone by, and it won't be long before we say goodbye to 2017 and hello to 2018.

I won't lie.  The last few years have been quite the roller coaster.  Starting with the lows of diagnosis, whether it was SPD or ASD, to the middles of therapy sessions and appointments here and there, to the highs of seeing progress with R in terms of speech, behavior, and schooling.  It's quite taxing for me as the parent, and I'm sure my husband and even R himself finds this exhausting.

And in the spirit of honesty, I will readily admit that this is not the family life I had envisioned for myself.  But God, in His infinite wisdom, knows what's best.  Romans 8:28 has always been of great comfort to me, more so now than ever before.

I suppose that I have learned - and of course still learning - a lot about parenting, child-rearing, and even about myself through this journey.  And with learning comes time for reflection. No better time to reflect on the past 12 months (or maybe even further) than at the moment nearing the end of the year.

I was planning to post tips on how to deal with the holidays with a child on the spectrum, as well as having sensory issues come to play, but as I continued to think on it, I realized there was one thing I wanted to discuss more than that.

Let's dive right in!

Teaching Your Special Needs Child about God

"Always pray for your child."

I've attended quite a few parenting seminars over the years, and one of the statements I've always heard from speakers of said seminars is the urgency to bring your child to the foot of the Lord's throne.

As a Christian, I do believe in answered prayers, of those petitions and praises that have been lifted up to Jesus from hearts that truly seek and love Him.  Of comfort to me is the promise that He always hears, as stated in 1 John 5:14 that "this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us".

It is of no question that my husband and I, on the day we were married, aim to raise the children that God would bless us with in the "discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).  And that in itself is hard enough with neurotypical children.

But when we're talking about special needs children, how do we teach them as we are commanded to in the Bible?

Building a Support System for your ASD Child

In the weeks since R's diagnosis, it's been appointments and assessments here and there.

It's also time for my husband and I to process what's happening.  I can't speak for him, but this time was beneficial for me as I got around accepting the diagnosis as it was.  Reading the books I've recently reviewed also really helped me in coming to terms with it.

Did I go through denial?  Yes.  Did I go through grieving?  Yes, absolutely.  A diagnosis like this is completely devastating for a parent of a child with ASD.  You had all these dreams and aspirations and plans for what you wanted to do and wanted for this child since the day of his/her birth, all the things you wanted to experience with him/her.

A diagnosis like this shatters that.

It's okay to process the grief.  That was why I said that reading all those books really helped.  I've since learned that a diagnosis of ASD is devastating, yes, but as I've read many times, it is not a death sentence.  Depending on where on the spectrum a child with ASD is, a parent's job is to advocate for the needed support services for said child.

That said, I will go on writing this article under the assumption that you are located in the Philippines, are a parent of a child that was diagnosed with ASD, and that you're looking for information on your next steps.

So in the context of the Philippines, what support services are available for children on the spectrum?

Book Review: The Loving Push

Book Cover

Just yesterday, my sister and I were discussing about how a lot of people were making claims about curing autism.  We both agreed that autism is not something to be cured, but that it's something that needs to be managed and accepted.

And because of that conversation, my mind went back to Temple Grandin, when she said that the "world needs all kinds of minds".

So here it is, the second book my brother got for me.  It's also, thus far, the last book I have to read (though I do have another one on the way, it just hasn't arrived yet).

And how was this book?

Two words.  Inspiring.  Practical.

Some Self-Introspection Here

And because I mentioned it in my latest book review, here are my thoughts as I dived into my memories.

One of the big questions I had been asked since R's diagnosis, and the subsequent light bulb moment people have when they realize that, yes, I also exhibited the same behaviors as a kid, was "How did you get over it?"

I usually answered with, "I have absolutely no clue."

Now, I can say it's because I had people around me who accepted my idiosyncrasies, my quirks. When R was newly diagnosed, my husband told my mother-in-law that it's turning out that I might also be on the spectrum. Her reaction was pretty much, "Well, that explains her odd behavior in high school. But she turned out really well."

And I have these people to thank.

Book Review: The Out-of-Sync Child Grows Up

Book cover

After an information-heavy book by Temple Grandin, I thought it might be a good idea to give my mind a little break and get back to a book that I started a few months back, but didn't finish.

And well, I'm glad I went back to this book.

As I was browsing for material to read on SPD, since this book was purchased before R's ASD diagnosis, I looked up on Carol Stock Kranowitz, author of the highly-recommended The Out-of-Sync Child.  It also bears mention that she's also the author of The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun, the companion activity book of the first-mentioned publication.  I also highly recommend that one, as it holds plenty of practical tips and activities for your SPD child.

But imagine my surprise when I found out that she also wrote a book called The Out-of-Sync Child Grows Up (emphasis mine).  Grows up.  At first I wondered if I should get it, considering that R is only in pre-school at the moment, and that maybe I don't need to read it yet as I do have a few more years before he hits adolescence.

Ah whatever, I thought.  Might as well get it.  No harm in looking ahead a bit and be prepared.

Little did I know, that I was reading it more for me than for R.

So let's get into it, shall we?

Book Review: The Conscious Parent's Guide to Autism

Book Cover

Welcome back to yet another book review.  As I have mentioned before, R's diagnosis has caused an influx of information gathering.  This is the second book on ASD that I will be reviewing, and do expect a few more reviews as the days pass, as I do have three more Autism books on my "to-read" list.

And to quote from my previous review, "let me state that I did not get this book for free. My husband and I bought it while we were at the Manila International Book Fair 2017. So I hope that will put some thoughts of bias to rest.

Also, as a disclaimer of sorts, I will state that all that will be written from here on are my personal opinions and are not, in any way, meant to be taken as gospel truth or medical advice. I am not a medical practitioner or a child developmental expert. I am just a former teacher, a simple mother, a possibly autistic woman with a child who has autism."

Hope that's clear.  Now on to the review!

Book Review: Autism Breakthrough

Looks like a lot in this blog is going to change.

I've always approached talking about SPD by how it differentiated from Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and other conditions.  But now that R has been officially diagnosed, it's time to switch gears and talk about ASD and SPD hand in hand.

But because there is a lot of websites and blogs out there with info on ASD, I feel I do not need to rehash them in this blog.  I've also talked about before on how children with ASD also exhibit SPD symptoms and behaviors.  So do read up on that if you like.

If you want to know more about the condition, please refer to the following links:

• National Institute of Mental Health
• Autistic Self Advocacy Network
• WebMD on the types of ASD

Now, I advise you to read up on ASD before coming back to read my review of a book I picked up over the weekend, because it'll be very helpful to understand what it is before I ramble about it, especially since I will be using some unfamiliar terms such as stimming.

Okay, we're good? 

Let's roll.

Book Cover

To start this review, let me state that I did not get this book for free.  My husband and I bought it while we were at the Manila International Book Fair 2017.  So I hope that will put some thoughts of bias to rest.

Also, as a disclaimer of sorts, I will state that all that will be written from here on are my personal opinions and are not, in any way, meant to be taken as gospel truth or medical advice.  I am not a medical practitioner or a child developmental expert.  I am just a former teacher, a simple mother, a possibly autistic woman with a child who has autism.

Officially an Autism Family

September 14, 2017.  Yesterday.  The day we officially became part of the autism family.

Looking for schools for R as he enters first grade has required us to update our documents, and one of the things we needed to do was to have an updated report on R's condition with a developmental pediatrician.

The official diagnosis is moderate autism.

The doctor is quite optimistic, as he says R has improved so much but he cannot discount his previous mannerisms.  He thinks that R can be brought to the high-functioning side of the spectrum, given that he has been receiving intervention as early as 2 years old.

He also says it's possible that I myself may be mildly autistic.

There's a lot to process here.

I haven't done that fully yet, but I guess that means there will be more resources for me to check out.  More book reviews, more internet articles to share, more information to process and learn.

It's a hard pill to swallow.  I admit that.  I suppose any parent would have a hard time.

But now I'm trying to learn not to see R through the lenses of autism.

May God help us.  May God enable and equip us.  May God grant us wisdom.

We're Seeing Progress!

It's a really huge thing once your silent child starts speaking.

A year ago, I read an article by Jenn Schleich, that really spoke to my heart.  R's speech delay had caused my husband and I much anxiety, and reading her article really articulated how we felt about it.

Some months ago, it popped up in my Facebook memories, and I read it again. The last part of her post really jumped out at me, I agreed so much with it. I will quote it here, in its entirety for context, and emphasis are mine.

Our speech pathologist often jokes that some day I will come to her and beg her to make him stop talking instead. It’s a joke intended to reassure, but when she says it I know there will never be a day when I say children should be seen and not heard. There will never be a day when I wish my children would just shut up. I will never again underestimate how important communication is; to talk amongst ourselves, to share stories, is to connect with another person. The most essential human ability is communication, because without it we are alone.

So, how has R been doing in the field of speech?

SPD, Abuse and Mental Health

Today's post might seem a little bit all over the page, so I'd like to apologize if it seems a bit jumbled.  But this has been a topic that has sitting in my mind for quite some time already.

I had touched on a previous post about how bullying is prevalent in the lives of children with special needs, and how this also translates to the same effects as one undergoing abuse of any form.  What we haven't touched on is how this then affects the mental health of our precious little ones.

So let's recap on the types of abuse that are out there, as defined by Childhelp:

1. Physical Abuse - the act of physically hurting a child. This includes "striking, kicking, burning, biting, hair pulling, choking, throwing, shoving, whipping or any other action that injures a child. Even if the caregiver didn’t mean to cause injury, when the child is injured it is abuse. Physical discipline from a parent that does not injure or impair a child is not considered abuse; however non-violent alternatives are always available."
2. Sexual Abuse - the act of using sex as a means to break down a child's self-worth and dignity. It is also "when an adult uses a child for sexual purposes or involves a child in sexual acts. It also includes when a child who is older or more powerful uses another child for sexual gratification or excitement."
3. Emotional or Psychological Abuse - "When a parent or caregiver harms a child’s mental and social development, or causes severe emotional harm, it is considered emotional abuse. While a single incident may be abuse, most often emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that causes damage over time."
4. Child Neglect - This is when "a parent or caregiver does not give the care, supervision, affection and support needed for a child’s health, safety and well-being. Child neglect includes - physical neglect and inadequate supervision, emotional neglect, medical neglect, educational neglect."

Abuse is all about control and power.  And sadly a lot of children are victims to this sick game they play.  According to this article published on July 25, 2016 by the Philippine Daily Inquirer, a newspaper publication in the Philippines:

As many as 2,147 cases (emphasis mine) of child abuse were reported to the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) in the first quarter of this year, more than one–fourth of which was of a sexual nature.

The figure was nearly half of the total 4,374 child abuse cases reported in the entire year of 2015, according to the Policy Development and Planning Bureau of the DSWD.

That's a huge number and extremely distressing.  And the best way to combat this is by awareness.

So let's look at some of the common strategies used by abusers to manipulate their victims.

Things I am Learning as a Special Needs Parent

In any journey in life, there will always be lessons and takeaways we can glean.  Our experiences have always been a teacher in our lives, some even say the best teacher we could ever have.  I don't think this journey with R is any different. There's so much I have learned, so much I am still learning, and so much more I have yet to learn.

I credit my training and experience as a teacher for many of what I know about child-raising and teaching.  I credit the experience I had in caring for my baby brother (of course under the watchful eyes of my parents and little bro's caregivers) for giving me the opportunity to learn the skills on baby care.

I didn't go into parenting blind, but I don't think I was fully prepared for parenting either, much less being the parent of a special needs kid.

So here's what I have learned, and most likely still learning, about being a special needs parent.

SPD and Family

In the months since my last post, a whole bunch of things have happened.

But before I get into that, I'm ecstatic to update on R's development.  In discovering that he liked being around other kids during VBS, and as a result started babbling more, we have since enrolled him in a local preschool.  It's quite a non-traditional preschool, and though I am not giving up on homeschooling yet, I'm quite happy seeing R enjoy himself in school.  As a result, he has become a whole lot more chatty and we're seeing a lot more attempts by him to communicate with us verbally.

If you'd like to know more about how I suggest advocating for your SPD kid in school, you may read my previous post on the subject matter.

And now for the topic at hand.

SPD and Language Delays

Yesterday, R had an awesome session of speech therapy, and we've been seeing a whole lot more improvements of him attempting to speak and experiment with sounds.  Last night, I caught him singing ABC to himself.  He never did that before.  And I'm really excited!  He could be conversing with us soon and I can't wait!

Then it got me thinking.  A lot of people have often asked me how SPD affected R's language development, and how it has caused him such a delay.  So I thought I'd do a bit of research and share what I've learned.

In my previous post I talked about how essential pretend play is to language development.  I had also discussed even earlier on the link between SPD with oral motor problems, orofacial apraxia, and even Childhood Apraxia of Speech (CAS).

Today we will discuss about the usual language development of children and how SPD can affect this.

So let's jump right in!

SPD and Pretend Play

For his birthday last year, R's godfather, my husband's best friend, got him the LeapReader in hopes that he will start reading and writing soon.  R loved it and started using it on the books that came with the present.  His interest in the books waned soon, but strangely enough, his interest in the pen didn't.

R has also been taking notice of the things my husband and I do, especially when we talk on the phone.  He even insists on being the one to hang up the calls on our cellphones.  So I wasn't too surprised when he started putting the pen to his ears, turning it on and off, then waving to it with a "buh-buh" (his word for "bye bye" which he has pretty much learned how to say for quite some time).

However, he totally surprised me last night when he was playing with the LeapReader.  He put it to his ear, and started to babble, as though he was making conversation.  This went on for a good 3 minutes.  And then, as if to end the conversation, I heard him say, "Ok.  Buh-buh."

It took a solid ten seconds to dawn on me that he was pretending.  He was actually pretending!

I know what you're thinking.  Why is this such a big deal?

Remember one of my older posts where I mentioned the 5 signs that a child is about to talk?  Well, I mentioned there that R only exhibits 4 of the 5.  The fifth is symbolic or pretend play.  Apparently, pretend play is an essential developmental milestone for a child to learn how to speak.

So how does pretend play affect speech?

Rude Remarks while Parenting a Special Needs Child

I had just read this article that was featured in The Sensory Spectrum, and it made me remember a similar incident that happened not too long ago.

I remember when, back in Hong Kong, I had to leave R with his dad for a little while. I wasn't feeling very well since I had eaten something that didn't sit well with me so I had to go the bathroom. R, on the other hand, was wired up, wouldn't settle, and it was way past his nap time. He couldn't sleep, simply because we were out and about.

I was having a hard time carrying and taking him around as the food poisoning was causing me to weaken, and even became feverish at one point in the day. So my husband and I decided to stop at a Starbucks coffee shop so he could get a drink for us, as well as get R calm for nap. I prepared a bottle of milk for him, laid him down on the sofa, and proceeded to the bathroom.