Waiting and Acting

And so another year has gone by, and it won't be long before we say goodbye to 2017 and hello to 2018.

I won't lie.  The last few years have been quite the roller coaster.  Starting with the lows of diagnosis, whether it was SPD or ASD, to the middles of therapy sessions and appointments here and there, to the highs of seeing progress with R in terms of speech, behavior, and schooling.  It's quite taxing for me as the parent, and I'm sure my husband and even R himself finds this exhausting.

And in the spirit of honesty, I will readily admit that this is not the family life I had envisioned for myself.  But God, in His infinite wisdom, knows what's best.  Romans 8:28 has always been of great comfort to me, more so now than ever before.

I suppose that I have learned - and of course still learning - a lot about parenting, child-rearing, and even about myself through this journey.  And with learning comes time for reflection. No better time to reflect on the past 12 months (or maybe even further) than at the moment nearing the end of the year.

I was planning to post tips on how to deal with the holidays with a child on the spectrum, as well as having sensory issues come to play, but as I continued to think on it, I realized there was one thing I wanted to discuss more than that.

Let's dive right in!

Teaching Your Special Needs Child about God

"Always pray for your child."

I've attended quite a few parenting seminars over the years, and one of the statements I've always heard from speakers of said seminars is the urgency to bring your child to the foot of the Lord's throne.

As a Christian, I do believe in answered prayers, of those petitions and praises that have been lifted up to Jesus from hearts that truly seek and love Him.  Of comfort to me is the promise that He always hears, as stated in 1 John 5:14 that "this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us".

It is of no question that my husband and I, on the day we were married, aim to raise the children that God would bless us with in the "discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).  And that in itself is hard enough with neurotypical children.

But when we're talking about special needs children, how do we teach them as we are commanded to in the Bible?

Book Review: Fall Down 7 Times Get Up 8

English Book Cover

Japanese Book Cover

A few weeks ago, I reviewed The Reason I Jump by Naoki Higashida.  The book, published in 2007 and translated to English in 2013, became a huge hit with parents of children on the autism spectrum, as well as many more of those who themselves were on the said spectrum.  Higashida was 13 when he wrote The Reason I Jump, which then caused a lot of skepticism as to how such deep thoughts and words could come from a non-verbal autistic boy.

In 2012, almost as if it was an answer to the skeptics, Higashida pens 自閉症の僕の七転び八起き (Jiheishō no boku no nanakorobiyaoki), using the same alphabet grid writing tool he used for his previous book.  David Mitchell and Keiko Yoshida, the husband-and-wife translating team from Higshida's previous book, return to translate this piece, and in July 2017 Fall Down 7 Times Get Up 8: A Young Man's Voice from the Silence of Autism was published.

I had heard about this book around the same time I was reading The Reason I Jump, so when a recent trip to our local bookstore had me seeing Higashida's most recent title on the shelf, I could not resist snatching this up.

So at 20 years of age, what more did Higashida want to tell us about his world?

Building a Support System for your ASD Child

In the weeks since R's diagnosis, it's been appointments and assessments here and there.

It's also time for my husband and I to process what's happening.  I can't speak for him, but this time was beneficial for me as I got around accepting the diagnosis as it was.  Reading the books I've recently reviewed also really helped me in coming to terms with it.

Did I go through denial?  Yes.  Did I go through grieving?  Yes, absolutely.  A diagnosis like this is completely devastating for a parent of a child with ASD.  You had all these dreams and aspirations and plans for what you wanted to do and wanted for this child since the day of his/her birth, all the things you wanted to experience with him/her.

A diagnosis like this shatters that.

It's okay to process the grief.  That was why I said that reading all those books really helped.  I've since learned that a diagnosis of ASD is devastating, yes, but as I've read many times, it is not a death sentence.  Depending on where on the spectrum a child with ASD is, a parent's job is to advocate for the needed support services for said child.

That said, I will go on writing this article under the assumption that you are located in the Philippines, are a parent of a child that was diagnosed with ASD, and that you're looking for information on your next steps.

So in the context of the Philippines, what support services are available for children on the spectrum?

Book Review: Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew

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After an intense read of something that made me feel like I was back in college, picking this one next was a good respite for my mind.

My wonderful friend J picked up this book for me, and as soon as I got it, I couldn't wait to open it and take in its contents.  The story of this book was that when my friend bought it from Book Depository, it was supposed to arrive within three weeks.  Well, those three weeks passed.  No book.  So my friend emailed them saying she didn't get it.  They promptly send a replacement copy to compensate.

Surprise, surprise, the first copy arrived a few days later.  Now we will have an extra copy lying around once it arrives.  I do have some plans for that extra copy though...

But back to the review.  Author Ellen Notbohm, mother of an older son with ADHD and a younger son with ASD, is writing from the perspective of a parent with special needs children, a perspective I so appreciate.

So, what are the Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew?

Book Review: Applied Behavior Analysis for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders

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One week.

That was how long I took to read this book.  I'm a fairly fast reader, and I can usually go through a book in a few days.

This.  Oh boy.  This.

Let's get into this, shall we?

Book Review: The Loving Push

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Just yesterday, my sister and I were discussing about how a lot of people were making claims about curing autism.  We both agreed that autism is not something to be cured, but that it's something that needs to be managed and accepted.

And because of that conversation, my mind went back to Temple Grandin, when she said that the "world needs all kinds of minds".

So here it is, the second book my brother got for me.  It's also, thus far, the last book I have to read (though I do have another one on the way, it just hasn't arrived yet).

And how was this book?

Two words.  Inspiring.  Practical.

Some Self-Introspection Here

And because I mentioned it in my latest book review, here are my thoughts as I dived into my memories.

One of the big questions I had been asked since R's diagnosis, and the subsequent light bulb moment people have when they realize that, yes, I also exhibited the same behaviors as a kid, was "How did you get over it?"

I usually answered with, "I have absolutely no clue."

Now, I can say it's because I had people around me who accepted my idiosyncrasies, my quirks. When R was newly diagnosed, my husband told my mother-in-law that it's turning out that I might also be on the spectrum. Her reaction was pretty much, "Well, that explains her odd behavior in high school. But she turned out really well."

And I have these people to thank.

Book Review: The Out-of-Sync Child Grows Up

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After an information-heavy book by Temple Grandin, I thought it might be a good idea to give my mind a little break and get back to a book that I started a few months back, but didn't finish.

And well, I'm glad I went back to this book.

As I was browsing for material to read on SPD, since this book was purchased before R's ASD diagnosis, I looked up on Carol Stock Kranowitz, author of the highly-recommended The Out-of-Sync Child.  It also bears mention that she's also the author of The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun, the companion activity book of the first-mentioned publication.  I also highly recommend that one, as it holds plenty of practical tips and activities for your SPD child.

But imagine my surprise when I found out that she also wrote a book called The Out-of-Sync Child Grows Up (emphasis mine).  Grows up.  At first I wondered if I should get it, considering that R is only in pre-school at the moment, and that maybe I don't need to read it yet as I do have a few more years before he hits adolescence.

Ah whatever, I thought.  Might as well get it.  No harm in looking ahead a bit and be prepared.

Little did I know, that I was reading it more for me than for R.

So let's get into it, shall we?

Book Review: The Autistic Brain

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When I told my family that R was officially diagnosed with autism, my father went into research mode.  He knew I had already bought some books from MIBF 2017, but he then absolutely insisted I look up on Temple Grandin.

A few days later, my brother, who is currently studying overseas, called me over Facebook Messenger and asked how we were taking the diagnosis.  And, I guess in his way to try to cheer me up and make me laugh, we took this little quiz together.

The quiz is called the Autism and Asperger Quiz, or AQ for short.  As summarized on the page, this is a "screening measure to help you determine whether you might have an autism spectrum disorder (including Asperger's disorder). This screening quiz is not designed to make a diagnosis or take the place of a professional diagnosis or consultation. Please take the time to fill out the below form as accurately, honestly and completely as possible. All of your responses are confidential" (emphasis mine).

A list of 50 questions, people who are on the spectrum tend to score 32 and higher, while people not in the spectrum tend to score 31 and below.

My brother scored 29.

I scored 33.

After laughing about it between us siblings a bit, my brother then asked me if I wanted to order some books on autism since books where he currently is are cheaper.  He also happened to have an account with Book Depository (Yes, I finally got an account for myself, was that impressed with them!) and so we went hunting for books by Temple Grandin.

So when my cousin, who had been visiting my brother, came back home, he had with him the two books my brother ordered in my behalf.  I decided to read this one first, as I wanted to first know more about the brain on the spectrum before I could even think about tackling the other one.

But first, a little biography on the authors.

Book Review: The Reason I Jump

English Book Cover

Japanese Book Cover

Well, I seem to be on a roll.

So let's get the disclaimers out of the way, shall we?

I have no contact with the author or the publishers of the book I am about to review.  To alleviate fears of bias, let me state that I read this book through a really good friend who shared her copy with me.

And to again quote from previous reviews, "I will state that all that will be written from here on are my personal opinions and are not, in any way, meant to be taken as gospel truth or medical advice. I am not a medical practitioner or a child developmental expert. I am just a former teacher, a simple mother, a possibly autistic woman with a child who has autism."

We're clear?  Okay, let's do this.

Book Review: The Conscious Parent's Guide to Autism

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Welcome back to yet another book review.  As I have mentioned before, R's diagnosis has caused an influx of information gathering.  This is the second book on ASD that I will be reviewing, and do expect a few more reviews as the days pass, as I do have three more Autism books on my "to-read" list.

And to quote from my previous review, "let me state that I did not get this book for free. My husband and I bought it while we were at the Manila International Book Fair 2017. So I hope that will put some thoughts of bias to rest.

Also, as a disclaimer of sorts, I will state that all that will be written from here on are my personal opinions and are not, in any way, meant to be taken as gospel truth or medical advice. I am not a medical practitioner or a child developmental expert. I am just a former teacher, a simple mother, a possibly autistic woman with a child who has autism."

Hope that's clear.  Now on to the review!

Book Review: Autism Breakthrough

Looks like a lot in this blog is going to change.

I've always approached talking about SPD by how it differentiated from Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and other conditions.  But now that R has been officially diagnosed, it's time to switch gears and talk about ASD and SPD hand in hand.

But because there is a lot of websites and blogs out there with info on ASD, I feel I do not need to rehash them in this blog.  I've also talked about before on how children with ASD also exhibit SPD symptoms and behaviors.  So do read up on that if you like.

If you want to know more about the condition, please refer to the following links:

• National Institute of Mental Health
• Autistic Self Advocacy Network
• WebMD on the types of ASD

Now, I advise you to read up on ASD before coming back to read my review of a book I picked up over the weekend, because it'll be very helpful to understand what it is before I ramble about it, especially since I will be using some unfamiliar terms such as stimming.

Okay, we're good? 

Let's roll.

Book Cover

To start this review, let me state that I did not get this book for free.  My husband and I bought it while we were at the Manila International Book Fair 2017.  So I hope that will put some thoughts of bias to rest.

Also, as a disclaimer of sorts, I will state that all that will be written from here on are my personal opinions and are not, in any way, meant to be taken as gospel truth or medical advice.  I am not a medical practitioner or a child developmental expert.  I am just a former teacher, a simple mother, a possibly autistic woman with a child who has autism.

Officially an Autism Family

September 14, 2017.  Yesterday.  The day we officially became part of the autism family.

Looking for schools for R as he enters first grade has required us to update our documents, and one of the things we needed to do was to have an updated report on R's condition with a developmental pediatrician.

The official diagnosis is moderate autism.

The doctor is quite optimistic, as he says R has improved so much but he cannot discount his previous mannerisms.  He thinks that R can be brought to the high-functioning side of the spectrum, given that he has been receiving intervention as early as 2 years old.

He also says it's possible that I myself may be mildly autistic.

There's a lot to process here.

I haven't done that fully yet, but I guess that means there will be more resources for me to check out.  More book reviews, more internet articles to share, more information to process and learn.

It's a hard pill to swallow.  I admit that.  I suppose any parent would have a hard time.

But now I'm trying to learn not to see R through the lenses of autism.

May God help us.  May God enable and equip us.  May God grant us wisdom.

We're Seeing Progress!

It's a really huge thing once your silent child starts speaking.

A year ago, I read an article by Jenn Schleich, that really spoke to my heart.  R's speech delay had caused my husband and I much anxiety, and reading her article really articulated how we felt about it.

Some months ago, it popped up in my Facebook memories, and I read it again. The last part of her post really jumped out at me, I agreed so much with it. I will quote it here, in its entirety for context, and emphasis are mine.

Our speech pathologist often jokes that some day I will come to her and beg her to make him stop talking instead. It’s a joke intended to reassure, but when she says it I know there will never be a day when I say children should be seen and not heard. There will never be a day when I wish my children would just shut up. I will never again underestimate how important communication is; to talk amongst ourselves, to share stories, is to connect with another person. The most essential human ability is communication, because without it we are alone.

So, how has R been doing in the field of speech?

SPD, Abuse and Mental Health

Today's post might seem a little bit all over the page, so I'd like to apologize if it seems a bit jumbled.  But this has been a topic that has sitting in my mind for quite some time already.

I had touched on a previous post about how bullying is prevalent in the lives of children with special needs, and how this also translates to the same effects as one undergoing abuse of any form.  What we haven't touched on is how this then affects the mental health of our precious little ones.

So let's recap on the types of abuse that are out there, as defined by Childhelp:

1. Physical Abuse - the act of physically hurting a child. This includes "striking, kicking, burning, biting, hair pulling, choking, throwing, shoving, whipping or any other action that injures a child. Even if the caregiver didn’t mean to cause injury, when the child is injured it is abuse. Physical discipline from a parent that does not injure or impair a child is not considered abuse; however non-violent alternatives are always available."
2. Sexual Abuse - the act of using sex as a means to break down a child's self-worth and dignity. It is also "when an adult uses a child for sexual purposes or involves a child in sexual acts. It also includes when a child who is older or more powerful uses another child for sexual gratification or excitement."
3. Emotional or Psychological Abuse - "When a parent or caregiver harms a child’s mental and social development, or causes severe emotional harm, it is considered emotional abuse. While a single incident may be abuse, most often emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that causes damage over time."
4. Child Neglect - This is when "a parent or caregiver does not give the care, supervision, affection and support needed for a child’s health, safety and well-being. Child neglect includes - physical neglect and inadequate supervision, emotional neglect, medical neglect, educational neglect."

Abuse is all about control and power.  And sadly a lot of children are victims to this sick game they play.  According to this article published on July 25, 2016 by the Philippine Daily Inquirer, a newspaper publication in the Philippines:

As many as 2,147 cases (emphasis mine) of child abuse were reported to the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) in the first quarter of this year, more than one–fourth of which was of a sexual nature.

The figure was nearly half of the total 4,374 child abuse cases reported in the entire year of 2015, according to the Policy Development and Planning Bureau of the DSWD.

That's a huge number and extremely distressing.  And the best way to combat this is by awareness.

So let's look at some of the common strategies used by abusers to manipulate their victims.