I had just read this article that was featured in The Sensory Spectrum, and it made me remember a similar incident that happened not too long ago.
I remember when, back in Hong Kong, I had to leave R with his dad for a little while. I wasn't feeling very well since I had eaten something that didn't sit well with me so I had to go the bathroom. R, on the other hand, was wired up, wouldn't settle, and it was way past his nap time. He couldn't sleep, simply because we were out and about.
I was having a hard time carrying and taking him around as the food poisoning was causing me to weaken, and even became feverish at one point in the day. So my husband and I decided to stop at a Starbucks coffee shop so he could get a drink for us, as well as get R calm for nap. I prepared a bottle of milk for him, laid him down on the sofa, and proceeded to the bathroom.
When I got back, still feeling horrible and sick, I was surprised to find my husband and son looking rather upset. Turns out while I was away, R started to cry and act up in the coffee shop. As my husband tried to calm R, a young teenage lad came up to them, and pretty much told my husband to "quiet him down, or please leave".
And he wasn't even the owner, or even an employee, of that particular shop.
My husband and I left that Starbucks shop immediately, with that incident being the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. It was one of the many rude acts and incidents that we have experienced in Hong Kong, for reasons we don't claim to know.
I'm not saying all Hong Kong people are rude, no. I have friends and family from Hong Kong, and there are rude people wherever we go. And we had been going to Hong Kong almost yearly at one point in our life together as a young family. I'm just saying that what we experienced in Hong Kong was enough to sour it a bit for us. And this incident pushed us to decide that, for now, we won't be traveling to Hong Kong anytime soon.
The point of this blog entry isn't really to bash anyone or any place, but to plead with people to be more patient with special needs parents, and special needs children.
It's hard enough to be dealing with a child who is not, in a sense, developing in the way society expects.
It's hard enough to lie in bed as everyone sleeps, looking up to the ceiling in the dark, and not get tempted to be swept into the wave of terrified hopelessness, thinking that your child might or will never become a functional member of society.
Special needs parents are taking on a huge task of caring for a child many see as a burden. It does not help any to make things any more difficult by judging and telling these parents what they are doing wrong and that their child is a spoiled brat.
It's a plea that I will keep asking of people who either do not have kids, or are young people who have yet to have children of their own.
Because special needs or not, kids will act up.
You don't know the circumstances behind the incident. The parent is obviously doing everything they can, and parenting is a 24/7 job. No breaks, no vacation leave, none. And don't forget that while you were little and going through that same phase of tantrums and meltdowns, you had parents or caregivers who were on the receiving end of that acting out.
So please, if you can't say something nice, just don't say anything at all.
Because parenting is hard enough.
And parenting a special needs kid is even harder.
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